Buying into the illusion...
The ego’s clever trick of making enlightenment appear to be somewhere tantalisingly in the future, is the exact same trick that it relies on when we ‘wait’ for reunion with our twin flame. It is one of the biggest traps that we can fall into, because until we realise that the love is here and now and the connection is here and now, we will be buying into the illusion of physical separation as reality and thus making reunion impossible.
When we know we can’t lose our twin, only then will we be free to love on the physical plane without the fear of being left. We can realise this truthfully on a deep level only when we have awakened, as that is when we see through the whole earthly sham of separation that we always believed to be real.
Dark night of the soul
Why we've been experiencing our own personal dark night of the soul, and slowly but surely waking up, we have, of course, constantly wondered what our twin was going through. On a soul level, we've felt their pain and their love, but without contact, we've had no idea what was going through their head. We know from the abruptness or cruelty of their departure that they're angry, and that they're scared. We know that they’re scared because we were scared too; scared of the intensity, scared of how deep the need was, and scared that we seemed to no longer have any control over ourselves.
My twin had always thought of himself as someone who was very in control of his emotions; almost indifferent, and yet, suddenly, he was pining, and affected, and overwhelmed. Shortly before he cut me off, he said that until the time came that we could be together; he just wanted to feel ‘normal again.’ I knew what he meant because it felt like we were in the grip of something so huge that it had taken us over. And of course, I understand now that we simply weren’t at a level of consciousness where we could cope with the intensity of what we’d found.
Intuition or logic
The battle that we face before we awaken fully, is a fight between intuition and logic (the soul and the ego). If the struggle was immense for me as an intuitive female who’d always had metaphysical experiences, then think how it must be for the conditioned, practical male, who has always thought he was his mind, and has never had to delve deeply into his perceptive side. It will be absolutely bewildering for the male to trust his soul and dismiss his fearful mind, especially as this means going against convention. So you can bet the ego-mind is angry. It’s angry because it is trying to save itself and reassert itself, and its weapon of control and manipulation is fear. The ego wants desperately to cling on to the old, conditioned way of life as that is all it knows, which means it constitutes safety. (Remember; it is the ego mind that believes in separation and thinks it can somehow control and influence the universe; that it can go against and be independent of God.)
The ego fears what will happen if the soul takes over, because on some level it knows that this means dramatic transformation. Relationships will have to be left and priorities will change, which means judgements will be made. And if you’ve lived your whole life behaving exactly as you’ve been taught to behave and conforming to society’s expectations, then to shed that skin is a terrifying thought for the ego. It will run. It will rebel. It will dig its heels in; but that’s okay, because it isn’t real. The only part of ourselves or our twin that is running is the false part. The soul is right here, waiting for us to wake up so that it can live and express its truth. It does not fear ridicule or judgement. It will not let itself be manipulated by people who are still fast asleep, but most of all, now it’s got your attention, it will not let you or your twin fall back to sleep.
A mask for the truth
The beautiful thing is that your twin has never hurt you, even if he thinks he has (or your ego tells you that he has). His ego will stay angry at you for as long as possible, because that anger acts as a mask for the truth. It stops him hurting. It keeps him safe, but underneath all that anger is the pain of it all. And that’s why he can’t stand still; because then he’ll feel the loss; then the sound of utter love in his soul will sing louder than the sound of the ego’s fear, and that’s when he’ll feel pain like he’s never known before.
The moment that we are truly free from the pain of our twin leaving, is the moment when we deeply and fully realise that if we are not our false self or our unconscious mind, then neither can they be. Unfortunately, no matter what we read about the twin flame experience, until we awaken, these things will only be concepts that we desperately want to believe. Our false self will try to placate its own fear and panic by repeating the concepts to itself like a soothing mantra. The problem with this is that a concept is just another story; another collection of words, and so pretty soon the fear comes back. Meanwhile the male runner is likely coming from an opposite stance, whereas your false self is trying desperately to convince you it was real (although at the same time being terrified it wasn't), his will be going all out to convince him that the connection was some sort of fluke that can't be trusted, and that living by his soul is a big mistake.
The male twin struggles greatly with receiving unconditional love and devotion, because the ego tells them that they don’t deserve to be loved in such a way. The love that initially makes them feel wonderful, eventually ends up making them feel worse, and the part of the ego that is aware of this starts to resent their twin. They feel that they can't live up to this image of perfection that their twin so obviously sees. And they will take any excuse, no matter how flimsy or insignificant, to use as their motivation for running away. They will turn on you in a heartbeat because it is the only way that they feel they can survive.
It is only when both twins have truly seen through the whole charade, and realised they are not the mind, that they are no longer afraid. Until then, they will be thrown about like leaves on the wind, leaping from faith to fear and back again in a moment. That's why waking up is the whole point. That's why being separated is the whole point. Because when we remember who we are, we are free to love as our true selves, without the fearful sabotaging that the false-self thrives on.
And so this parting is not a negative thing. It is the gift of space that both twins need in order to face themselves. So if you need to run, run. And if your twin needs to run, let him run too. Let him run far and wide and long and hard, because it all leads back to you. Every road leads back to you.
Because there is no place possible for anyone to run where they won't find themselves at the end of the journey. No matter the miles travelled or the distance crossed, when they finally stumble to a halt, they will realise the most obvious thing of all, that there was no separation. There was no leaving. That even as both twins ran, their hands were in each other's. Their feet passed over the same ground. Their tears fell at the same time. They felt the loss and the gain of all things. But now they get to feel the love. Now they get to realise that the person they once looked upon and loved beyond reason, was their own reflection, and that the light they once deemed themselves unfit for, was their very own. And at this gracious and holy point, there is simply nothing left to do but stand still.